I guess I’ll start by introducing myself. My name is Hannah and I am a teen girl who has never kissed anyone, never been in a relationship, and never been on a date. The one thing I have done is been in the “talking stage”, and let me tell you, it is a strange experience.
During quarantine, around the months of March to June, I became bored and decided to add random people on Snapchat. This became the start of my communication with various people. I became acquainted with a few people but ultimately, I didn’t talk to them for long. It would last for a few weeks and then the messages would eventually stop and I would usually be the one left on read. However, I learned a crucial thing about myself during this time. I have this sort of power complex where I feel like I have to wait longer to respond to messages so I don’t seem desperate. I’m somehow obsessed with not appearing too eager.
Anyways, I now have a dilemma. I’m talking to these two guys and throughout the time we’ve texted, one day I’d be so excited to talk to them and then the next they would say something that would make me rethink my whole view on them.
Let’s start with the first one, we’ll call him James. Somehow James and I met through Apple Music (I know it’s strange) but from there we started talking on Instagram and Snapchat. By now, we’ve talked every day for almost five months which is crazy to me. He lives really far away from me though but we’ve FaceTimed a few times before. Here’s the problem though, we have wildly differing political opinions that we’ve argued over many many times. I won’t get into the politics but it’s hard to be fully ok with communicating with someone with values that are so different than mine. A part of me does have a crush on him but at the same time, it doesn’t feel right to like him. I’m not used to having a connection with a guy like this and I know that sending messages has become a part of my daily routine. Eventually we will stop talking, I’m not sure when that will be but it’s inevitable. We live so far away and are going different places in our life so nothing could possibly happen between us in the first place.
George will be the name of the other guy. George “slid into my DMs” about a week ago and it’s been nice talking to him. Things started getting a little strange last night though, we were giving our thoughts about the future and university and then he started mentioning marriage and children. He seems very sure that he wants to settle down in maybe eight years and it’s not too much of a red flag or anything but I wasn’t expecting it at all. I wasn’t sure how to react to it. Childbirth itself scares me and I think that I want kids when I’m older but I for sure would want to adopt. I haven’t given too much thought into settling down because I barely know what I want to do with my life yet and I want to experience a lot of the world before I have to fully take care of another life. The guys that I know never seemed occupied with the idea of starting a family so I was really surprised when he brought it up. I’m not sure what will happen with George but I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.
The talking stage is a weird thing and where I’m at now, I don’t know if I’ll get past it. Sometimes I so badly want to be in a relationship but other times I’m happy to be alone and independent. You can probably tell that I’m more of an introvert. For now I guess I’ll keep talking to the both of them. Do I think anything will come out of this with either of the two? Not really, but it has been nice to occupy my time with something especially with all the free time Covid has given me. If something big happens I will post another story but for now, peace out.
